Trials of the Phantom
by Kathleen the Of Fire
Summary: A spoof of Phantom of the Opera, once ment to be a serious parody (if parodys can be serious). Acted by my oh so famous muses... Enjoy, R&R! COMPLETE
1. Deep inside the opera house, I know he's...

KtOF: ~stands on a stage and waves enthusiastically to crowd assembled.  
  
Stuffed animals: silence  
  
KtOF: ~looks around~ Is anyone here? ~sniffles pathetically~ WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ~stops abruptly~ Oh, whatever. Not like that's stopped me before! Stuffies are a good audience any ways. Now, I'd like to take this time to do the *DISCLAIMER* which is I obviously don't own Phantom of the Opera! I also don't own Timbits (which always end up showing up, whether I want them to or not) or most of the characters you've heard of from things like Gundam Wing that might pop up here and there.   
  
Cast:  
  
Phantom (Erik): Airic, Alexandre, and Reien Reinolds de Wulfe-Gordonne ei Lausonne un Izumi  
  
Christine: Keladry Reinolds de Wulf-Gordonne ei Lausonne un Izumi  
  
Raoul: Riyfiirde Reinolds de Wulf-Gordonne ei Lausonne un Izumi  
  
Everyone else shall be introduced as needed.   
  
  
KtOF: Now, everyone, get into costume!  
  
Keladry: ~is reading Phantom of the Opera~ Eh, come back later.  
  
KtOF: NO! You'll do this now! You get the main role!  
  
Keladry: ~glances up~ I'm the Phantom? I thought he was a guy.  
  
KtOF: ~bangs her head on the wall~ Please, just work with me for once.  
  
Airic: How can-  
  
Alexandre: -all three of us-  
  
Reien: -play one part?  
  
KtOF: ~bright smile~ Easy! You're so short, I figured you'd have to stand on each other's shoulders to be tall enough!  
  
Airic: We're not ^that^ short!  
  
KtOF: Eh, whatever. This is my story, not yours.  
  
Alexandre: If we're the Phantom, it's more ours than yours.  
  
KtOF: You're only the Phantom's stomach.  
  
Alexandre: I'm in the middle?  
  
KtOF: Better than on the bottom! ^-^ That's where Reien goes!  
  
Reien: Dammid!   
  
Keladry: So I'm Christine? The wimp?  
  
KtOF: You get to sing!  
  
Keladry: ~icy glare~  
  
KtOF: DONUTS FROM TIM HORTONS IF YOU'LL DO IT!  
  
Alexandre: Timbits?  
  
KtOF: Okay! I have some left over from when Dani and I went any ways!  
  
Reien: WE'RE IN!  
  
Keladry: ^-^" You gave my four brothers the other main male parts. Does that mean I have to fall in love with Riy?  
  
KtOF: Act, girl, act!  
  
Riyfiirde: Why me, why me?  
  
KtOF: Because I love you... and because you were the only one that didn't bail out when I said the name "Raoul".   
  
Riyfiirde: I was asleep!  
  
KtOF: ^-^ Too late! Places!  
  
Riyfiirde: But...  
  
KtOF: ~pulls out megaphone~ PLACES!  
  
  
Scene One:  
  
Kathlene: ~coughs loudly~ The opera ghost really existed. As a matter of fact, he still does exist, seeing as he's my three younger brothers who are currently stuffing themselves full of timbits at the snack bar!  
  
Keladry: I think that says a wee bit too much, Kathlene. Just stick to the plot, okay?  
  
Kathlene: ~nods~ Hmmm... oh, yeah. Now, there's proven facts, and this dude, Gaston Leroux, went to all this trouble to prove it, God knows why. So he found all these letters and stuff, and piled all this evidence together, and proved it. Then he wrote a book. So I guess I should let them start acting now, eh?  
  
KtOF: ~is banging her head on the wall~   
  
Kat: ~checks writing on her hand~ *mutters*: run around screaming like an idiot. Eh... okay... ~runs in circles twice~ Ah... Ah... I'm an idiot.  
  
Keladry: ~giggles~  
  
Kat: ~checks hand again~ I have seen the... phantom... and it was... terrible. No it wasn't, he looked lame and-  
  
Ricky: Plot, Kat, plot!  
  
Kat: Right... It scared me out of my wits, and he's following me. Ah. Ah.  
  
Ilizabeth: It's all right. No one is there. We will be fine. ~sighs~  
  
Kat: Good. I need coffee... I feel like a twit. ~heads off to snack table~  
  
KtOF: GOD PEOPLE CONCENTRATE! ~waits~ Fine, we'll move on... ~mutters to herself about idiodicity of muses~  
  
  
Scene Two:  
  
Airic: Lets skip to where we get the cool part!  
  
KtOF: You just want a chance to kidnap Keladry so you can torture her.  
  
Alexandre: ^-^ So?  
  
KtOF: But I wanted to do this right!  
  
Keladry: What do you mean I have to get kidnaped? I don't ^do^ kidnaping.   
  
KtOF: ~shrugs~ Well, then... If I can't do this right, we'll do it my way. ~glares around~ We will now do the scene where Christine sings really well, and then faints. Okay?  
  
Riy: ~sighs~ I have to play the guy who loves Dree?  
  
Riyan: He loves Keladry? Why didn't you tell me so! ~pushes Riy out of the way~ I'm going to play this part!  
  
KtOF: ^-^" Fine, just act, okay?  
  
Riyan: So when do I get to kiss her senseless?  
  
KtOF: AHHHHH! I'M TOO YOUNG FOR SUCH ROMANTIC MUSES! ~runs and locks herself in the bathroom~  
  
Keladry: ^-^" Lets begin. Riy, you'll be the new Count. Riyan, you can't kiss me, I'm unattainable until about halfway through the book... Both of you up to the balcony now. Leie, you can sing. You'll play Carlotta.   
  
Leie: Okay then. ~does some warm up scales~  
  
Keladry: You're sick, right?  
  
Leie: ~mock swoons~ Catch me, Raiey!   
  
Rai: ^-^" I'm not supposed to be here. ~starts mopping up the sweat drops~  
  
Keladry: Oh, we needed a stage hand to be hanged any ways!  
  
Rai: ~runs away as fast as he can~  
  
Keladry: ~sighs~ Okay, now... ~starts to sing~ ~stops~ I don't know the words. ^-^"  
  
Riyan: You have such a beautiful voice, it doesn't matter, love!  
  
Keladry: ~blushes~  
  
KtOF: (from closet) No flirting with the lead!  
  
Riyan: ~sighs and sits back~  
  
KtOF: Just sing something high, Keli... We need to show off the upper register!  
  
Keladry: Okay! ~starts singing Muppet Show theme~   
  
Riyan: ~sighs dreamily and leans on ledge~  
  
~ledge breaks and Riyan falls down three floors~  
  
Keladry: OH MY GOD! RIYAN! ~races forward~  
  
Jevahn: Ouch...  
  
Kat: Who are you?  
  
Jevahn: I just came to watch the senseless violence.  
  
Kat: Okay! ~gets out some popcorn and watches Keladry panic~  
  
KtOF: ~is still locked in the closet~  
  
Riyan: I... ow...  
  
KtOF: Someone should do First Aid!  
  
Kent: You're sitting on the first aid kit.  
  
KtOF: Oops... ~gets up and grabs gigantic first aid case~ Why can't we stay on topic? I happen to like this story!  
  
Keladry: It's not my fault if the props are faulty.  
  
~all turn to Daivid~   
  
Daivid: Huh? So what if I built that prop. It's not like I wanted to play Raoul and kiss Keladry senseless!  
  
Keladry: I feel so popular! ~giggles~  
  
KtOF: ~uses POWER OF THE AUTHOR and BIG ROLL OF DUCT TAPE to fix Riyan up~  
  
Riyan: ~flies at Daivid and starts punching him~  
  
KtOF: EVERYONE! SHUT UP AND BACK TO WORK! NOW!  
  
Kat: ~stuffs her popcorn into a hole~ Party pooper. It was just getting violent!  
  
Jevahn: Yeah, violent.  
  
KtOF: I WANT YOU TO DO THIS RIGHT! NOW! Or I'll borrow Christine and Raoul and Erik from Kerri!  
  
Airic: You'd replace us for... the real things?  
  
KtOF: ~Nods brutally~  
  
Alexandre: ~breaks up fight quickly~  
  
KtOF: Now... back to the song. I need this... ^beautiful^!  
  
Keladry: Okay! ~starts singing Angel of the Opera~  
  
KtOF: ~nods and smiles~ Vuryvury nice.  
  
Alexandre: (wisely to Jevahn) She's my sister, you know.  
  
KtOF: Okay, faint in five, four, three, two......................  
  
Keladry: ~rolls eyes up and collapses backwards~  
  
Riyan: AH! NO! KELI!  
  
Riy: She's acting, Riyan... cool it man.  
  
Riyan: ^-^" I knew that... now... ~glances at lines conveniently scratched into wood of box~ Lets go find her! ~rushes off top speed using his boyfriend-radar to find Keladry~  
  
Keladry: ~is still "fainted"~  
  
Riyan: Line... line...   
  
Reien: ~tosses Riyan a timbit with the lines sketched into it~  
  
Keladry: ~"wakes"~ Who are you?  
  
Riyan: I am... the little boy who rescued your scarf from the ocean.  
  
Keladry: Are you saying I'm too weak to get it myself?  
  
Riyan: It's the line!  
  
Keladry: Oh, so you think that just because it's written down, you're better than me?  
  
Riyan: It's not that, Keli! Honest!  
  
Keladry: Oh, I get it now. You rescued Catherine's scarf from the ocean! You don't love me!  
  
Riyan: No! I never...  
  
KtOF: JUST SHUT UP! Keladry, lets say you had the flu that day, and you weren't allowed to go in the water, so he rescued your scarf for you, okay?  
  
Keladry: Fine. But I'm not speaking to him.  
  
KtOF: ~bangs her head against the wall~ Please... *bang* God... *bang* Spare me... *bang*  
  
Riyan: I'm really sorry, I just...  
  
Keladry: Nt. ~puts fingers in ears~ I can't ^hear^ you... You no longer exist.  
  
Riyan: Keli...  
  
Daivid: Does this mean I play Raoul now?  
  
Riyan: *glare*  
  
KtOF: ~falls over unconcious~  
  
Oliver: ^-^" ~picks KtOF up and carries her away~ I think this scene is done.  
  
Keladry: Fine.  
  
Riyan: I'm sorry! Really, I am, I love you-  
  
Keladry: ~stuffs peach pasteries in her ears and hums loudly~  
  
Alexandre: ^-^" ~starts eating a timbit~ Perhaps we should move on?  
  
Ricky: Only Kathleen actually knows what happens next.  
  
Alexandre: Okay...  
  
~silence~  
  
Alexandre: You're sure you have no idea?  
  
Ricky: Yes, Alexandre.  
  
~silence~  
  
Alexandre: Really?  
  
Ricky: Yeah.  
  
Alexandre: Really really?  
  
Ricky: Yeah yeah.  
  
~silence~  
  
Alexandre: ~opens his mouth to speak~  
  
Ricky: ~jams timbit in Alexandre's mouth~  
  
tbc 


	2. He's with me on the stage, he's everywhe...

KtOF: ~sighs~ I'm quitting.  
  
Leie: We're only on scene three! I haven't had a chance to act yet!  
  
KtOF: ~shrugs~ You're all mean. I'm only doing this for my own good.  
  
Airic: That and the fact we won't shut up until you do. *cheeky grin*  
  
KtOF: There's a part I never got to finish in scene two.  
  
Airic: Lets do it now! I might be in it!  
  
KtOF: ~nods~ You are.  
  
Airic: ...  
  
KtOF: ROLL IN THE WALL!  
  
~wall appears with Airic & Keladry on one side and Riyan on the other~  
  
Airic: ~reads line~ Christine, you must love me.  
  
Keladry: ~raises eyebrow~ Umm... How can you talk like that, when I sing only for you!  
  
Airic: Really? I'm special!  
  
Keladry: ^-^"  
  
Riyan: Dammid... She said that she sang for me! She doesn't love me! ~starts sniffling~  
  
Airic: Are you very tired?  
  
Keladry: No, thanks. I got lots of sleep last night... No, that wasn't my line! I mean, ~coughs~ Oh, tonight I gave my soul for you and I am dead!  
  
Erthford: NO! AIRIC YOU KILLED OUR SISTER! DAMN YOU!  
  
Airic: She's not really dead, oniichan.  
  
Erthford: Right...  
  
Airic: ^-^" Your soul is a beautiful thing, child.  
  
Keladry: I'm older than you.  
  
Airic: Only by one year though.  
  
Keladry: ~shrugs~ So you shouldn't call me a child.  
  
Airic: Yes, mistress. Now... -and I thank you. No emperor ever received so fair a gift. The angels wept tonight.  
  
Keladry: I thought they liked it! ~is hurt~  
  
Kathleen-sempai: Did you know that Kathleen can sing?  
  
KtOF: Oh, shut it!  
  
Kathleen-sempai: ~snickers~ We should have her demonstrate.  
  
KtOF: If you finish this story, I'll sing. Okay?  
  
All: Okay! ~evil grins~  
  
Riyan: She's dead, ^and^ she doesn't love me! ~slides down the door~ *sniffsniff*  
  
Keladry: ~walks past quietly~  
  
Riyan: Great! I can find out who killed my poor Keli! ~grabs a blowtorch and lights the room up with the gas~ Hey! Noone's here!   
  
Airic: Hehe... ~is floating on the ceiling~  
  
Riyan: Flip it all! ~storms out~ Hey, who's that? ~points to stretcher~  
  
Heero: Hn.  
  
Quatre: It's Duo. Kathleen got fed up with him, so she locked him in a cupboard till he died.  
  
KtOF: HE DIED? YES! ~does happy dance~ Now he can't kill Oliver or Qui-Gon! SCORE!   
  
Airic: Hey, I thought ^I^ killed him?  
  
KtOF: Not really, we just say it's you because that's what happened in the book. ~smiles~ Now we're done, and I can go onto scene three!  
  
  
Scene Three:  
  
KtOF: Hmmm... what is scene three? I'm only going to do the good stuff... so... ~thinks~   
  
Leie: OH! I know! Lets do the funny part!   
  
Rai: The part where you lose your voice?  
  
Leie: ~nods and does strange dance~  
  
KtOF: Okiedokie then. I think... well... ~ponders~ Just wing it.  
  
Leie: ~starts singing~ LALALALALALA!  
  
KtOF: ~winces~  
  
Airic: HAHA! S'funny...  
  
Leie: ~thinks~ LALALALA! Ummmm... RIBBIDRIBBID LALALALA! Oh, Drat! I have croaked like a frog! I am doomed! ~runs off stage~  
  
KtOF: I don't think it went like that... but I no longer care.  
  
... ~silence~  
  
KtOF: I have to give the book back, so lets do the scene where Riyan and Keladry pretend to be engaged.   
  
Keladry: No. I'm mad at him.  
  
Riy: I'll stand in. ~sighs~ Pretend you're talking to me, Dree. Okay?  
  
Keladry: Fine.  
  
~Riyan and Keladry dance around over the sets~  
  
Keladry: Lets not go over the trap doors, okay?  
  
Riyan: Why?  
  
Keladry: ~pretends she didn't hear~  
  
Riyfiirde: ^-^" Why?  
  
Keladry: Because the trap door opener doesn't like you, and neither do I!  
  
KtOF: ~sighs~  
  
Keladry: As a matter of fact, I should just set him loose on you, you *censored*!  
  
Riy: KELADRY! The lines, please!  
  
Keladry: ... ~thinks~ I hate you, Riyan, and when it comes time for you to go away, I'm going to stay here. At least the trap door opener didn't rescue Catherine's scarf from the ocean.  
  
Riyan: I'm sorry... I really didn't!  
  
Keladry: YOU ADMITTED IT! ~slaps Riyan~  
  
Riyan: ~sighs~ Just.. Lines, please? ~waits~ ~is hit on the head with a donut~ ^-^" ~reads lines~ Are you afraid you will change your mind, Christine?  
  
Keladry: HYA! You've had so many girlfriends you forget my name, eh?  
  
Riyan: ^-^" No...  
  
Keladry: ~glares~ I'll skip to the story! So I-  
  
KtOF: NO! The romance, scene. I wanna bug Kerri.  
  
Keladry: I need a stand in for Riyan. Daivid, get over here!  
  
Daivid: Okay... ~pushes Riyan out of the way~  
  
Jevahn and Kat: ~watch as Riyan falls off roof~  
  
Daivid: What compels you to go back, Keladry?  
  
Kat: Wonder of wonders. He got both the line and her name.  
  
Jevahn: ~nods~  
  
Keladry: If I don't go back, terrible misfortunes may happen! But I can't do it , I can't do it! ... What in heaven's name is with this feeble rubbish? Of course I can!  
  
Daivid: I know...  
  
Keladry: But I don't want to make him cry... ~sniffles~ I love him like a brother...  
  
Airic: (from offstage) I am your brother!  
  
Keladry: ~death glares~  
  
Daivid: Well, if we leave now, maybe he'll forget about it!  
  
Keladry: Hmm... oh, lets put Amanda in my place! Then he'll be happy.  
  
KtOF: ~searches for her tylenol~  
  
Keladry: But Amanda won't sing. I'll do one more performance, then we can go, okay?   
  
Daivid: Sure!   
  
Riyan: ~pushes Daivid away~ So, tell me about how you met him!  
  
Keladry: That's strange, I could have sworn I heard someone speaking!  
  
Riy: Just tell us the *censored* story. ~has a migrane~  
  
Keladry: Well, I heard him for three months before I saw him. I thought the voice was coming from another room, because disembodied voices are freaky and unnatural. I went out and look around, but no one was nearby, and I was considerably alone. But the voice talked to me as much as it sang, and it's heart was in the right place. So I liked it. And then it took me away to the place and taught me to sing. So... yeah. That's the story.  
  
Daivid: That's the story?  
  
Keladry: Yes.  
  
Daivid: I thought... there was more?  
  
Keladry: There is.  
  
Daivid: ~long suffering sigh~  
  
Keladry: I'm tired of this acting. I want to be in the popcorn chicken fanfic!  
  
Jevahn: Popcorn chicken?  
  
KtOF: Hmmm... Oh! Popcorn chicken is an ideal symbol for the country of Etrenon... hmm... It's perfect for something! I just know it!  
  
Riy: I love Popcorn Chicken.   
  
KtOF: PERFECT! ~prepares to start on new story~  
...  
  
Riyan: You can't just leave us hanging... at least finish it more or less!  
  
KtOF: ~sighs~ Okay... I will wrap it up where it ends now, and then move on. Not only do I have a Harry Potter, I have to write my Popcorn Chicken story. My best friend suggested it...   
  
Oliver: After she noticed that you buy popcorn chicken every time you go to the mall?  
  
KtOF: That might have contributed... well, we'll skip ahead for a little while now...  
  
~flashing lights dance and corny music plays~  
  
KtOF: You are now entering... the... WARP BECAUSE I'M TOO LAZY TO FILL THE GAPS ZONE! WATCH OUT FOR EVIL MUSES WHO ARE ANGRY BECAUSE THEIR PARTS HAVE BEEN CUT OUT AND THE RABID DUOS!  
  
Duo: ~growls~ Kill... Oliver...  
  
KtOF: ^-^;;  
  
~lights spin, then settle down on a new scene~  
  
  
Airic: ^-^' ~reads line~ As long as you had thought me handsome-  
  
Keladry: Now, don't put yourself down, Airic. You're very cute!  
  
Airic: Thanks... but... -you could have come back, but, now that you know my hideousness-  
  
Keladry: Gee, he really needs a nice older sister to tell him he's not as ugly as he thinks, hmm?  
  
Alexandre: Yeah!  
  
Airic: ~sighs~ -you would have run away-  
  
Kat: Yeah, to get you some good moisturizing creams...  
  
Airic: -for good.... So I shall keep you here!  
  
Kaitrei: Have you no thoughts for woman liberty?  
  
Airic: Why did you want to see me? Oh, mad Christine-  
  
Keladry: That's Keladry to you, young man.  
  
Airic: -who wanted to see me... Can I ditch the lines? I'll never get this section done?  
  
KtOF: ~glares~ Fine. I don't need the smartass comments anyways... Skip to it.  
  
Airic: ~sighs~ Okay... I have to grab your hands, Keli, and tear them into my flesh... Eew... gross! Do I ^have^ to?  
  
KtOF: YES!  
  
Airic: ~grabs Keladry's hands~  
  
Keladry: ~punches Airic in the nose~ Oops... Automatic reaction.  
  
Airic: ~winces~ You meany... ~takes Keladry's hands and pretends to rake his hands through his skin~ Oww oww oww... That hurt. ~pretends to wince~  
  
KtOF: No, you don't need to wince. Just keep doing that.  
  
Keladry: OWW You're hurting my wrists!  
  
Airic: Sorry! ~lets go~  
  
KtOF: No! Don't do that! You're mad, after all! Forget her feelings!  
  
Airic: But she'll hurt me!  
  
KtOF: ^-^" Okay, next part...  
  
Airic: Okiedokie! Now, I crawl away...  
  
Reien: ~drops down onto his knees~  
  
Airic: Then play piano to make myself feel better.   
  
~Airic and Reien crawl, Alexandre tries not to touch the ground... enter another room~  
  
Airic: Hmmm... ~starts playing chopsticks~  
  
Keladry: How sad, how beautiful... ~listens to the music~ DAMMID AIRIC, AT LEAST PLAY SOMETHING GOOD!   
  
Airic: Gomen, Keli, gomen.  
  
Alexandre: My turn! ~pulls out his oboe and begins to play~  
  
Kat: ^-^" The drowning duck is in the house.  
  
Kathlene: No, you play Don Juan Triumphant.  
  
Reien: We don't know how.  
  
KtOF: ~bangs her head loudly~  
  
Oliver: Play Hedwig's theme!  
  
Harry: Huh? Hedwig has a theme?  
  
Reien: ~shrugs~ Perhaps if we all bang on the keys really loud, then it'll sound like it is Don Juan triumphant.  
  
~all three start banging as loud as they can~  
  
KtOF: CUT THAT OUT! YOU'RE GOING TO RUIN MY PIANO!  
  
Keladry: ~sighs~ Wow that's pretty. Can I go now?  
  
KtOF: ~sighs loudly~ I had such wonderful plans for this whole thing... it would be my best parody thing yet...   
  
Harry: So when do I come in again?  
  
KtOF: That... Oh, fine. SKIP TO THE SECTION WHERE CHRISTINE IS GONE AND RAOUL FINDS HER!  
  
Harry: Is that the part I'm in?  
  
KtOF: I ... yeah... ~sighs again~  
  
Harry: Okay... ~waits~ Shouldn't Riyan say something first?  
  
KtOF: Yeah.  
  
~silence~  
  
Harry: Riyan, now would you say your line?  
  
Riyan: ~is nearly dead~  
  
KtOF: ~uses her duct tape again~  
  
Riyan: Okay... lets find her.  
  
Harry: Okay...  
  
KtOF: The level this has sank down to... how sad... ~starts crying~  
  
~Riyan and Harry walk down all the way and then fall into the torture chamber~  
  
Riyan: ~lands first~  
  
Harry: Oww.... the pain... ~sniffles~ I don't like this part... I want to go into another story now.  
  
KtOF: Okay! ~prepares to write The End~  
  
Riyan: This is how it ends?   
  
KtOF: Fine... I will put a To Be Continued. Then if I get FIVE WHOLE REVIEWS saying that THEY REALLY LIKE THE STORY AND THEY WANT ME TO CONTINUE I will continue...  
  
Riyan: ~sulks~  
  
KtOF: BYE UNTIL YOU REVIEW!  
  
To Be Continued (under the circumstance that Kathleen the Of Fire gets more than five positive reviews) 


	3. And when my song begins, I always find

KtOF: Well, if you've looked at my profile, loyal readers, (that means ^you^, Jasmine ^-^;) you'd have seen the following quote: "On hold until I get at least five reviews... Or until playing "Phantom of the Opera Medley" for first clarinet in band over and over finally gets to me and I snap and write until my fingers are torn, bloody stumps ^_~; expect that soon..."  
  
Airic: True to her "meness", she kept another promise!  
  
Oliver: Don't let it be said that she doesn't...  
  
KtOF: Yes, I snapped... I have a concert Tuesday and Phantom was played over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over in practice ^-^;... Jasmine also was kind enough to give me reviews! ~evil laughter~  
  
Harry: Noooo... ~claws at door in attempt to escape~ I don't ^wanna^ be the Persian!   
  
KtOF: Screw you. You have to ^_^  
  
Harry: ~sniffles~  
  
KtOF: ~dumps Harry in Phantom's torture chamber with Riyan~   
  
Harry: I hate you...  
  
KtOF: ^_^ ~all knowing smirk~  
  
Harry: My Voldemort muse hates you too!  
  
KtOF: ^-^; Get started!  
  
...  
  
Riyan: Where are we?  
  
Harry: About to die!  
  
Riyan: ^-^; Really? Where are we?  
  
Harry: ~conspiritorial whisper~ We're in... the torture chamber~  
  
Riyan: Lets get out and find Keladry!  
  
Harry: Ahem! We're in the Torture Chamber! As in the place where people die?  
  
Riyan: Gee, you're morbid, Harry... Lets find a way out!   
  
Harry: Lets die... -_-  
  
~lights come on~  
  
  
KtOF: I forget the plot now...   
  
Airic: ~evil smile~ We shall... wing it...  
  
Harry: I think that it's supposed to get hot in here...  
  
Oliver: ~chuckles~  
  
Harry: O_O   
  
KtOF: I need something to make it hot in there... ~ignores Oliver who's laughing hysterically~ I... need.... a... ~ponders~ I NEED A TURKEY! ^___^  
  
Harry: ~gapes at turkey in the middle of the room~ A turkey?   
  
KtOF: Not just any turkey! A flamingturkeyofdoom guaranteed to bring warmth back into any relationship! Isn't it cute?  
  
Flamingturkeyofdoom: ~bursts into flame and heats up the room~  
  
Harry: ~eyes roll up~ What a way to go... What... a... way... to ... go...  
  
Ron: AHHHH! HARRY! ~breaks down window and pulls Harry out~  
  
KtOF: O_o; well, then... What about Riyan?   
  
Riy: ~looks up from poker game~ What?  
  
KtOF: Must I order everyone to do everything around here? JEVAHN! SAVE YOUR FRIEND!  
  
Jevahn: Who? Oh, he hangs out with Alexander now... I won't get him.  
  
Alexandre: What? He doesn't hang out with me!   
  
Jevahn: No, not you, Alexandre, ALEXANDER! The other one!  
  
KtOF: The short one?  
  
Jevahn: The medium one!  
  
KtOF: Ah, the timp player?  
  
Jevahn: Yeah!  
  
Riyan: ~Dying~  
  
KtOF: ~looks in phone book~ M... M... M... Wait! I already have his phone number! ~searches for binder reminder~  
~dials~  
  
Alexander's mom: Yes?  
  
KtOF: May I please speak to Alexander?  
  
Alexander: Yeah?  
  
KtOF: Well, Riyan's dying in a room filled with mirrors and turkeys that are on fire. Will you save him?  
  
Alexander: I'm not friends with Riyan! I'm friends with Ryan!   
  
KtOF: Oh, my mistake! Sorry for wasting your time.  
  
Alexander: It's okay... bye... ~hangs up~  
  
Nameless Fireman: ~scowls and pulls out Riyan~  
  
KtOF: Thanks, it would be hard to finish the plot without him...  
  
Nameless Fireman: So why didn't you save him?  
  
KtOF: ^_^ Because Alexander was supposed to.  
  
Nameless Fireman: ^-^; I see...  
  
KtOF: Yeah... Hey, you want a part?  
  
Nameless Fireman: Who can I be?  
  
KtOF: Duo!   
  
Nameless Fireman: Okay... What do I do?  
  
KtOF: Nothing! Duo's not in this story!  
  
Nameless Fireman: ^-^;  
  
KtOF: Back to action... Umm... the question! Yes, the question ^_^  
  
Airic: ~coughs~ Okay, Keli. You can chose. You pick the Oh Henry, everything is fine, but you stay here forever! Muahahaha... Right. You pick the Kit-Kat, I blow the whole place up!  
  
Alexandre: ^We^ blow the whole place up. ~scowls~  
  
Airic: Yeah!  
  
Keladry: Hmmm... Oh Henry's are better... but a big explosion would be so cool... chocolate... explosion... chocolate... explosion... chocolate...  
  
  
Airic: I'm taking a coffee break. Decide by the time I get back!  
  
Keladry: Right oh! Chocolate... explosion... Chocolate... explosion...  
  
KtOF: Riiight... So what are you going to do, Riyan, Harry?  
  
Harry: ^-^; Get out of here! ~dashes for the door~  
  
KtOF: Hey! ~watches Harry run out~ Shi- sheepskins! I needed him!   
  
Oliver: ~snickers~  
  
KtOF: .O What now?  
  
Nameless Fireman: I'll fill in!  
  
KtOF: Peachy!  
  
Nameless Fireman: So what do I do?  
  
KtOF: Nothing! Harry's part was done now!  
  
Nameless Fireman: ~sighs~  
  
Riyan: ~pours water on the explosives~ Hahaha! I've saved the day! Keladry will surely be happy with me now!  
  
Keladry: Oy! I've decided, guys! I chose the Kit-Kat!  
  
Riyan: .O  
  
KtOF: ^-^; Buuuurn...  
  
Jevahn: ~chortles~ ~chews his popcorn~  
  
KtOF: So, what are we going to do? Keli has totally mauled my plot!  
  
Reien: ~eyes light up~ Blow stuff up?  
  
KtOF: ^_^; Not what I was thinking of...  
  
~phone rings~  
  
KtOF: Y'ullo... You've reached Kathleen. I'm writing now, so speak now or forever be damned to the Duos!  
  
Alexander: ^-^; Um... Kathleen?  
  
KtOF: ~massive sweatdrop~ Hi...  
  
Alexander: I need help with the homework, and I can't seem to get a hold of Ryan!  
  
KtOF: ~glances at Riyan~ Well... Hang on. ~scribbles note and pastes it on screen~ ~wanders off talking~  
  
TBC after Kathleen helps Alexander with the homework... 


	4. The Phantom of the Opera is there, insid...

KtOF: Hmmm... I think I can end this here!  
  
Airic: No more bothering you about Phantoms?  
  
KtOF: I've moved on... Shalom Alaechem calls me, saying "Kathleen, you said you'd write that Popcorn Chicken fic, dumbass"  
  
Jevahn: Gee, You had better stop talking to your music then! ^_^ ~crunches popcorn and slurps pop~  
  
KtOF: ^-^; Well... I don't remember anything after this...  
  
Daivid: Riyan spoiled the dynamite, so we have no real choice... It has to have a happy ending!  
  
KtOF: Nooo.... ~wails~  
  
Kat: You love happy endings, don't you?  
  
KtOF: Right. I was just thinking about a movie I saw where the girl and guy who were "good" should have been shot instead of riding off into the sunset...  
  
Keladry: Right ^_^   
  
Riyan: ~sighs~ Keladry, will you please forgive me?  
  
Keladry: I thought I heard something! I must be turning into Kathleen!  
  
KtOF: -_-; That hurt, it really did.  
  
Riyan: ~grabs Keladry~ Please?  
  
Keladry: ~glares~ You rescued Catherine's scarf from the ocean.  
  
Riyan: No!  
  
Keladry: Yeah!  
  
Riyan: No!  
  
Keladry: Yeah!  
  
Riyan: No! I swear!  
  
Keladry: ~glares~ You did...  
  
Riyan: Listen, Keli, even if I ^had^  
  
Keladry: Ah-HA! You ^did^ rescue her scarf!  
  
Riyan: Did not!  
  
Keladry: You no good lying scum of the earth, cheating on me!  
  
Riyan: ^-^; But Keli...  
  
Keladry: Mph.  
  
Riyan: Makes me want to swear off girls...  
  
Catherine: Hi... Riyan? ~sweet smile~  
  
Keladry: ~glares daggers~  
  
Catherine: Would you like to go out for supper?  
  
Riyan: Oh...  
  
Keladry: ~grabs Riyan~ MINE!  
  
Riyan: *_* Yay...  
  
Jevahn: No more feuding couples?  
  
KtOF: ~yawns~ I just want this to be ^done^!  
  
Jevahn: Oh... Will you write a story about me?  
  
KtOF: ~raises an eyebrow~  
  
Jevahn: ~sweet smile~ I mean, you could always do one of your vampire ones... with the larger asontos? I'm there...   
  
KtOF: ^-^ Sounds interesting.  
  
Jevahn: ^_^  
  
KtOF: I'll consider it.  
  
Jevahn: ^-^;;;;  
  
KtOF: Well, I guess it's done.   
  
Kathlene: What about the conclusion?  
  
Ryan: ~appears~ Can I?  
  
KtOF: ^-^; Okay...  
  
Ryan: ~clears his throat~ Well, Airic, Alexandre, and Reien, aka the Phantom, lived happily ever after in a land of timbits, with Daivid. Keladry remained possessive of Riyan... Not me... Riyan... and dragged him away to torture him for information on his comings and goings. Riy and the rest of them were happy doing... Cards or something, and they remembered the promise that Kathleen made about the Popcorn Chicken fic, which will feature them. Nameless Fireman never got an important part, and Oliver stayed... ^-^; Sick minded. Harry returned because he got tired of waiting for JK Rowling to finish the fifth book, and lives (quite happily, might I add) with Ron. Kathleen never got off the hook, because she had a stack of "not finished fics" a mile high.  
  
KtOF: Gee, thanks.  
  
Riyan: ^-^ I decided to quit the none-paying job here and take Alexander, Jevahn, Eric, and Kathleen out to supper, just because I can. Jevahn will get an important part in a fic, but it may take a while.  
  
  
Kathlene: Now Kathleen has to sing!  
  
KtOF: ~blush~ ~coughs~   
  
~*~  
  
Reisunet ieosowa  
Meiyoutu ah quaimeso  
Moyo, moyo, kateihagh  
Dream a little dream, oh...  
  
Suetaikaiya tukia  
Maiyonu teruso  
Moyo, moyo, katihagh  
Dream a little dream, oh  
  
Tukeno, terueske  
Dream and hope and die, oh  
Moyo, moyo, kateihagh,  
Dream a little dream, oh....  
  
~*~  
  
Ryan: ~claps~ Kathleen created that herself! It's in Djinnish! ^_^ Translated, it means:  
  
Hope alights  
and graces children  
true, true, agreed.  
Dream a little dream, oh.  
  
Bravely fighting  
Jusice lasting  
true, true, agreed.  
Dream a little dream, oh  
  
Light, darkness  
Dream and hope and di, oh  
True, true, agreed  
Dream a little dream, oh.  
  
Airic: It's a bard song that should be in the Popcorn Chicken fic.  
  
Ryan: ~leaves with Kathleen & companions~  
  
KtOF: ^-^ Finally...  
  
The End 


	5. Author's note thing

Well, after ... a while ^-^; I'm done. I know athat there was practically no plot and it wasn't really all that funny in the last two chapters, but I really just wanted to be done with it. .O Jevahn is a persistant little bugger, and I know he'll have a major part in at least one of my origionals... You can all look out for that.  
  
The lyrics to my Djinnish song (the one I said that I would sing in like chapter 1) were created... the translation works... Jasmine, I have updated my glossary! (finally, ne?)   
  
Well... I shall now move on to bigger and better things... One day I can improve this, but for now it's just the end, and happy huntings all... 


End file.
